Monday, July 09, 2007

Critic-Proof Transformers Quotes

(Caught a matinee of Transformers today, and I'm a little worried what some so-called "Qualified Film Critics" might say about this mechanical-man masterpeice. So ... Paramount Pictures? Dreamworks? I hope you're listening, because I've got a blog full of blurbs that you can use on future Transformers posters and DVD covers without worrying about misquoting me or taking my words out of context!)

"Images, Sounds ... It Has Everything!"

"Shia LaBeouf is IN THIS MOVIE."

"The Best Transformers Film This Summer!"

"There was a trailer for an awesome J.J. Abrams movie that played RIGHT BEFORE THIS MOVIE."

"Michael Bay, you've 'Transformed' My Heart!"
(Apologies to Clint)

"I had a beer and a basket of buffalo wings and I could still follow the plot! The wings were REALLY SPICY!"

"There is a 2008 Pontiac Solstice IN THIS MOVIE!"

"They used the same voice actor for Optimus Prime that they did for the 80's cartoon! That's great probably!"

"I heard the Transformers 'beep-boop-bop-boop-boup-boop-beep' noise like, like ... like a LOT!"

"Midnight Cowboy's a classic of American cinema, right? Well Academy-Award winner Jon Voight is TOTALLY ALL UP IN THIS MOVIE!"

"It's like Jurassic Park with Space Robots!"

"It's like NASCAR with lazers!"

"I thought after 'Pearl Harbor' Michael Bay vowed to never work with robots again. WELL SHUT MY MOUTH!"

"I needed to sit down for two and a half hours and not fall asleep. I DID NOT FALL ASLEEP!"

"When I was a kid I would sometimes pretend that I was A ROBOT!"

"Imagine Starscream doing the robot dance! It's not in the movie, but CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?!?!"

And finally ...

"Are you an eleven year old boy who has a subscription to Lowrider magazine? YOU WILL GO COMPLETELY APESH** OVER THIS MOVIE!"


stewpid said...

omg you are the best movie quote guy ever

Braden said...

Aw, shucks. I'm just a kid with a dream.

Here's an article about the real Quote Whores.

Wesley said...

"There were hot chicks, and I almost imagined a boobie!"

"At least it wasn't as shitty as 'The 300.'"